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What Lies In My Heart

I am going to make this quick and no longer do a grammar and spell check so please overlook whatever mistake and misspelled word you’ll stumble upon.

It is 12 midnight as I type these words and I won’t wait for  another day to pass by because if I do, I might not share what I have to say altogether.

As I was preparing for the first seminar of Mori Mom Sisterhood this coming June on Natural Mothering, I found myself in an argument with my husband as soon as he got home from work. I overslept for an hour during the day and asked him to take good care of Mori while I catch up on a much needed sleep.

I no longer remember the exact time I slept the day before, I just knew that the sun was peeking through our windowsill when I laid in the middle of my husband and Mori.

My husband was bothered about me oversleeping. He felt that I needed to check if my priorities are still in line.

I was taken aback. I felt accused and unappreciated in an instant. In my head were a jumble of different words that would sound something like, “Really? Everyday, I do the laundry, I bring Mori with me wherever I go… I dismiss the pain of wearing her the entire day just so I could finish the chores that needed to me done around here. The never ending pile of laundry… In the kitchen when I cook Mori is with me, outside the home when I water the plants Mori is still with me, either she is on my back or on her chair while I sing and dance my way out of making her believe that waiting for Nanay is F-U-N.  This is the exact same scenario that I am in whether I am mopping the floor, feeding or removing the poop the cat’s litterbox. I mean hello, Mori is even with me when I go to the toilet just so i could relieve myself! And here I was.. I overslept for an hour. One hour! And it is not like I do it everyday and this is what I get from him? “I should get my priorities in check?!

I thought my heart would break into pieces.

Even now as I type this, I could still feel the lump in my throat and the pain in my heart.

After our exchange of sentiments I took Mori in my arms and went straight to where the dirty clothes gets washed. I even told him to cook his own food (which he did) and I really regret saying those words now that I have come to my senses. My husband doesn’t deserve this kind of treatment from me.

And so I did what I should have initially done in the first place… It was to talk to God.

As I opened my Bible I felt so ashamed. How could I even talk to the Lord when I was being the opposite of being Christ-like. I could see the exact place where I stood from our bedroom. I see myself mouthing the words but I can no longer pinpoint what I said exactly because everything is now a blur. Even if I couldn’t see God with my own eyes and could only remember where I stood and where my husband sat… I know God is with us in the room. He was in our bedroom earlier, he is still here in our home as I type this and yes, the Lord will still be here in the coming days. The Lord is in our hearts and will always be with my family.

When I prayed to the Lord and opened my Bible, He directly led me to His response.

Matthew 5:13 and 16 says we Christians are the salt of the earth. Therefore we should demonstrate our faith in Christ through acts of love and service.

That was it! It wasn’t just me not being in line with my priorities. It was about me doing acts of service to my family because I knew I had to… When all along it should be, I am doing this act of service to my family because I am sharing my faith with the Lord through my hands as well as my lips. I should do things out of my love for them and not because: “ay kailangan walang yaya eh!” I have to, we have no nanny/household help.

I was skeptical about sharing this story since it is a private matter between me and my husband but I thought maybe there is someone out there who is going through the same thing like me. You might be confused as to why you and your husband is arguing or constantly arguing about something.

It will be of big help… The only help that you will need actually is just to lift it up to the Lord.

Even if the words that come out from the mouth of our husband’s offend us in some way, let us try to look into it. There might be a truth to what they are saying and the only reason why we can’t accept it is because pride is getting in the way.

If you are not used to praying to Jesus but you want to start praying to the Lord today, I’ll be sharing my prayer tonight and you can just simply pray it with me…

My Dearest Lord,

A God who has eyes for me and see’s me to be more precious than rubies (Proverbs 3:15)… How have I wronged a God like you? Forgive me for my wrong doings. You gave me lips to nurture, enlighten and encourage but I have used mine to hurt the person that you entrusted me to love all the days of my life. Help me Lord to never again lose sight of what my purpose is to my family. As you uphold me with your righteous hand, may you give me  the strength (Isaiah 41:10) that I need to make it through each day with peace and joy in my heart. I love you Lord and I am forever grateful for your forgiveness of my sins.

In Jesus name we pray,

Amen.

 

 

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23 thoughts on “What Lies In My Heart

  1. Hi ate ganyan dn po kame nang asawa ko siguro po dala na dn ng pagod kaya gnun nasasabi. Salamat po sa pag share nyo sa araw araw ng buhay nyo Godbless po 😊

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  2. Enlightening ! I think all of partners have encountered this kind of argument .. And all of us ay makaka-relate .. Malaking stress reliever ito sa lahat ng makakabasa because finally .. Maiintindihan na nila kung bakit patuloy nilang ginagawa ang mga bagay na ginagawa nila .. Especially moms ..

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  3. Hi Jennica, thank you for sharing this. Same thing happened to me last night. My husband and i are in a LDR relationship for almost 2 yrs now. We were married for 13 yrs. We are a young couple and its really hard to be in this kind of relationship. We’ve been so many struggles all those years but I really thank God because He never left our side. Though we are faithless, He remained so faithful. Its true that without Him we are nothing and we cannot bear these things. I admire you for seeking God the first thing you and Alwyn fought. I just learned it a couple of months ago. But still I fail to show my husband the love that I should be giving him. Keep posting because in this, I feel blessed and it makes me strong to read your blog. Thanks and God bless 😊

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  4. Thanks for sharing this, Jennica! You are such a big blessing and inspiraion to your readers including myself.

    Praying for blessings, favor , strength, wisdom and joy as you continue to share your stories and learnings and encourage us towards our life-long journey on motherhood.

    Continue shining for Jesus!

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  5. the first thing i thought with what he said is maybe he doesnt want you to be so busy with other commitments that he feels him and mori are being neglected 😦 more than pride, i believe you were hurt with what he said because you were also tired with so much of being a mom, wife and sharing your advocacy. You yourself should be a priority too for you to be able to take care of them better. Communication really is key. Remember the vows you made in front of our lord. Godbless you and your family!

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  6. Fights are normal. Marital differences are also normal. And with all these, getting hurt is but natural. After all, we’re only human. I’ve been married for 8 years and while things are better, my husband and I are also far from perfect. One thing I’ve come to realize, however, is that we’ve learned to grow in grace with God’s help.

    Marriage is all about compromises, give and take, and all other complement-each-other elements. But most importantly, it’s about serving God through your spouse. That’s what get’s me through when I need to humble myself. Remember, pride has no room in a relationship. 🙂

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  7. I understand how you felt Jennica. I think what you have gone through is basically normal cause you do everything. You are human, and expected to be weak and emotional sometimes but God is good. He never fails to comfort us. In our weakness God us amplified. God is working in your life. Be strong and keep the faith. 🙂

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  8. I hope everything is fine between you and your husband already. Thank you for trusting your readers enough to share your personal story. It makes us understand that no relationship is indeed perfect; that whether you’re a celebrity or an ordinary couple, you will also experience problems in your own relationships. I admire your patience and your forgiving heart. Thank you for inspiring us😊 God bless you.

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  9. This post is very timely.two nights ago my husband and I had a terrible fight to the point na namura ko na siya. Halos pareho tayo ng reason kung bakit ako nagalit. Hanggang ngayon di pa rin kami naguusap.

    This reminded me to seek God’s wisdom and pray. Thank you for the reminder Jennica!

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  10. thanks for sharing… nafeel ko na din yan yung tipong nagkkwentahan na kayo sa pahinga, but God is good if you are both Believers of Jesus, you have to settle it through praying for each other. At bawal matulog ng may galit/inis sa puso. hehe… You are both blessed with each other.

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  11. Hello Jennica…I am 39 years old and I cannot believe that I would learn a lot from your stories…accidentally I saw alwyn’s instagram and found yours and found out that you have this site and would you believe? I am much older than you but I am learning a lot..I have 2 kids, 4 yr.old boy and a 10 month old girl..i am leaving here in UAE and experienced and still experiencing (since i have a baby again) exactly what you are experiencing..thanks for your stories..they give me some sort of relief that i don’t understand..aside from that, it made me realized that because i am too busy taking care of my family..i am forgettingmy time to God..so because of you..starting tonight i’m gonna have time talking to Jesus when my family sleeps..thanks Jennica

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  12. Hello Ms.Jennica! I am married 3 months ago. I am also a Chrisitian like you. But you know it really helps us knowing we are nilot alone in this stage. We dont have baby yet hopefully next year nag iipon pa kasi kami ☺. I am a fan of you that’s why i looked for you on instagram and here found out you have these blog. It really help me alot as preparimg to be a mother soon.
    P.S – looking forward for the new blog ☺ Godbless you!

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  13. Thank you, Jennica, for sharing this very inspiring experience. It’s very timely for me. Just last night because of exhaustion , I prayed to God about the consequences of having no household help and started to be envious about moms who has plenty of yayas just because they can afford. And He directed me to your IG. Meron pala akong kasama… You’re an amazing mom! You make motherhood easier. Continue to be an inspiration.

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  14. Hi Ms Jennica,

    I was blessed with your story and thanks for sharing it with us. Kasi nararanasan ko din yun s aswa ko after ng away ung meron kang guilt s puso mo na dapat ndi mo ginawa un o sinabi pero nangyari na, mas na inspire pa ako sa ito na mas pairalin ang pagiging kristiyano ….

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  15. I NEED this right now. Just yesterday, my husband told me “You don’t do anything anyway!” And I repeated, “I don’t do ANYTHING?!” He said, “yeah, almost!” And, I was so deeply hurt and I controlled myself not to shout. I just kept quiet and had my long overdue bath (Haha, having an 8-month-old baby girl makes it hard to have a regular bath). just like you, we don’t have any helper. It’s hard! And to be told I don’t do anything?! We talked calmly after my bath (and changing my baby’s nappy and nursing and letting my daughter sleep….) But anyway, yeah, I need this.

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  16. Thank you for this post ate. My baby is 2mos old. My husband and I are together for 5 years and just got married last March when I was still pregnant. Sobrang smooth ng relationship namin kahit nung buntis ako, however nung manganak nako, nagbago na lahat, sabayan pa ng post partum ko. Last sunday nag-away kami, same tayo ng situation. Salamat sa post na’to, marami akong narealize. Pwede din ba akong sumali sa group niyo sa facebook? Sobrang struggling pa ako now, I really need to educate myself more. Godbless!

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